Just a Joke

[Trinitus]

lol, "oh where oh where has my taliban gone, oh where oh where could they beeee.....with their air cut short and their missles all gone, oh where oh where could they be, LMAO good one kaizen good one!!

[greyfox]

LOL  THEIF! nah that was good use of that gif

[Kaizen]

thanks

[Trinitus]

US vs. Trini Language

I thought you all might find this amusing......


USA: Such tasteful Hors d'heurves, sumptuous finger foods, wow!
TnT: Whuddy a$$ is dis? Whey de blasted food?


USA: Here Kitty kitty... get down from that roof munchkins.
TnT: Ey yuh ole dutty stinkin cyat, come down from de friggin gyalvanize
before ah drop two stone in yuh a$$!


USA: Aren't those pants a bit short?
TnT: Yuh expekin flood or wha?

USA: Sir, please don't throw my luggage like that.
TnT: Buh wha trouble is dis? Boy,...... stop flingin meh grip so.

USA: Lift the hood of the car for me John.
TnT: Yute-man, fly open de bonnet deh!

USA: I love you girl.
TnT: Ah rell check fuh yuh, yuh know.

USA: Oh the poor little boy is handicap.
TnT: Look at dat lil brook foot boy dey...

USA: It's time you got a perm.
TnT: Gyul , yuh head need straightenin bad. Yuh doh see all dem gren-gren showin.

USA: I have a stomach ache.
TnT: Oh gorm..............meh belly gripin meh.

USA: He has no manners.
TnT: He doh have no broughtupsee.

USA: WOW!...........he ! has such a bad body odor
TnT: Yuh doh bade?.......oh sh!t man...... yuh smellin stink! Yuh Kickin!!!

USA: Josh is suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder.
TnT: Dat chile too dam harden.

USA: He has a touch of Dyslexia.
TnT: He duncee fuh so.

USA: I need a bottle of Peptobismol...my stomach hurts.
TnT: Ah need ah purge bad...ah cork up.

USA: It's been a long time since I've seen you girl.
TnT: A..A...! You still alive gyul?

USA: Oh my goodness, we have lost electricity.
TnT: Jeezanages!!......current gorn again.

USA: This meal is not too bad.
TnT: ! Wha doh kill does fatten and wha doh fatten does purge.

USA: Oh my, your feet are so ashy.
TnT: Is how yuh foot and dem look like yuh was kickin flour so...yuh couldn't a rub lil coconut oil on yuh foot self?

[New Era Outlaw]

Oh GAWD. Take some chakra for that, Xeno. Lollercopter, and then some.

[Kaizen]

OH GADDDD lol chakra iymc

[Narcissus]

[Trinitus]

Does your front yard look like this every Monday, Wednesday and Friday???
E:\Documents and Settings\User1\My Documents\My Pictures\josh\garbage.jpg
Then you are suffering at the paws of what is worldwidely known as the Dustbin Terrier.....

Then you need this!!!! SLINGSHOT AND BIG STONE!!!
E:\Documents and Settings\User1\My Documents\My Pictures\josh\referable weapons.jpg

When all else fails this will do the job!!! To put away stinkin' criminals like him!!!!
E:\Documents and Settings\User1\My Documents\My Pictures\josh\untitled.JPG

Some assembly required beautiful lady not included

From the makers of....
E:\Documents and Settings\User1\My Documents\My Pictures\josh\untitled 2 copy.jpg

[Trinitus]

In regards to my previous post my ignorance of forum use was at its most and i didnot properly attach the required images...therefore it will be  sent in this post, images 1, 2 and 3. Drain chakra if you tihink it is needed!!!

[ProtoJoe]

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident". "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sit stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President looks up and asks... ''How many is a Brazillion ??!"

[ProtoJoe]

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000 bills!

Then, there's a knock at the door. . . He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me..."

[Kaizen]

ROFL ROFL ROFL

[W1nTry]

DAT was funny... a bit racy... but I think we all can laugh at that one, its not too tasteless

[Narcissus]

why i work so hard

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep,

not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job,

earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of.

But now I found out the real reason:

Here's why:

The population of T & T is 1.5 million.

0.5 million are retired.

That leaves 1 million to do the work.

There are 200,000 in Primary and Secondary schools.

Which leaves 800,000 to do the work.

Of this there are 300,000 employed by

the government.

Leaving 500,000 to do the work.

50,000 are in the protective services(Police, Army, Coast Guard and

Fire)preoccupied

with Crime, Kidnapping etc.

Which leaves 450,000 to do the work.

Take from the total the 100,000 people who work for Works, URP and

CEPEP.

And that leaves 350,000 to do the work.

At any given time there are 100,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 250,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 248,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are sitting on your ass,

at your computer, reading jokes.


Nice, real nice.

[Narcissus]

[New Era Outlaw]

Those Red X's....boy, do they crack me up.

[Kaizen]

I think I know these people
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just
doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player
and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

===============

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

===============

< B>Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

===============!

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I
try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the key! board come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work

===============

Tech support! : Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get o n the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer:! I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is
working fine."

===============
And last but not least:....

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

[tech100]

thas some good tech related ones kaizen, here's a similiar themed one:

A friend worked for a company that made IC's. Every few months, their yields would go down to about zero. Analysis of the failures showed all sorts of organic material was introduced in the process, but they couldn't figure out where. One evening, someone was working late and came into the lab. There he found the maintainence crew cooking pizza in the chip curing ovens!

[Narcissus]

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year,
Russian scientists found traces of copper wire
dating back 1000
years, and came to the conclusion that their
ancestors already had
a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in
the US papers
read:

"US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres,
and have concluded that their ancestors already had
advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years
earlier than the
Russians."

One week later, the Trinbagonian newspapers reported the
following:

"After digging as deep as 500 metres, Trini
scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000
years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology."

[carlsberg]

on was excited about his new rifle and wanted to try it out, so he went bear hunting. He spotted a small black bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder and he turned round to see a larger black bear.

The black bear said "You've got two choices, I either maul you to death or we have sex." Jon decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Jon soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip, found the black bear, and shot it. Immediately, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a big brown bear stood right next to him.

The brown bear said, "That was a huge mistake, Jon. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex." Again, Jon thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it was several months before Jon finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the brown bear and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a gigantic grizzly bear standing there.

The grizzly bear said "Admit it, Jon, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"